The "Validation Minute": My Observations on Ego and Expertise in Law Enforcement and the Military
Introduction
Throughout my career in law enforcement and the military, I've had the opportunity to observe a peculiar phenomenon that I've come to call the "Validation Minute." Coined by yours truly, this term describes a scenario where individuals, especially those hailing from law enforcement and military backgrounds, feel an innate compulsion to validate their qualifications and expertise by sharing an overwhelming amount of information about their past experiences, knowledge, and skills during conversations or discussions, particularly in the first minutes of conversation.
Scenario
Imagine you find yourself at a lively party surrounded by co-workers and peers from various professional backgrounds. The atmosphere is convivial, and conversations are flowing freely. You strike up a conversation with a new colleague you've just met, and within the first minute, it becomes evident that they're fully engaged in what can only be described as the "Validation Minute."
As you exchange pleasantries and begin sharing a bit about your background, interests, and experiences, your new colleague takes the opportunity to immediately launch into a detailed account of their achievements and expertise. It's as if they've hit the turbo button on their self-promotion, eagerly spouting off all they've done and how exceptional they are.
Not only do they share their accomplishments, but they also engage in a subtle form of one-upmanship. Every story or anecdote you share is met with their own tale that's somehow more remarkable or impressive. You describe a challenging work project you recently completed, and they counter with a more complex project they tackled in half the time. You mention a recent personal achievement, and they top it with a story of their own that's even more extraordinary.
The conversation, which should be an opportunity for genuine connection and camaraderie, becomes a one-sided showcase of your new colleague's accomplishments and a competition of sorts. It becomes apparent that they are driven by a deep need to validate their qualifications and expertise, perhaps as a means of establishing themselves in the group or warding off feelings of inadequacy.
While their intentions might not be malicious, their approach inadvertently creates an uncomfortable dynamic within the conversation. Others in the group begin to notice the excessive self-promotion and one-upmanship, which can lead to feelings of annoyance or even exclusion among those trying to engage in a balanced and enjoyable discussion.
The Validation Minute: An Exploration
The Validation Minute is a behavior commonly observed among individuals who, much like myself, have dedicated a significant portion of their lives to law enforcement or military service. It appears as if there's an underlying need to bolster one's ego or perhaps combat imposter syndrome by dominating conversations with extensive accounts of past accomplishments, knowledge, and experiences. This intense drive to validate ourselves often leads us to steer discussions away from their intended topics.
The underlying motivations behind the Validation Minute can be multifaceted, rooted in ego protection and the fear of being exposed as impostors in our fields of expertise. Consequently, our conversations tend to revolve around our past experiences, often overshadowing the original subject matter.
Let's delve deeper into the reasons for this behavior and its potential implications. But what motivates others to engage in such behavior, and why do they feel compelled to do so?
Ego and Identity: One of the primary factors propelling the Validation Minute is the role of the ego. After dedicating years of our lives to these demanding professions, we often develop a strong sense of identity intricately tied to our roles. Consequently, our professional experiences become an integral part of who we are, and sharing those experiences serves as a means to reaffirm our self-worth.
Our careers in law enforcement or the military become more than just jobs; they become a defining aspect of our identity. When discussing our past experiences and knowledge, we're not merely sharing information but affirming our place in the world.
Credibility and Respect: In professions where split-second decisions and life-and-death situations are commonplace, credibility and respect are not just desirable but imperative. It is no wonder that veterans and law enforcement officers often feel the need to establish their expertise to gain the trust and respect of their peers and subordinates. By sharing our extensive knowledge and experiences, we aim to reassure others that we are dependable and highly competent, especially in high-pressure situations.
Our past experiences have shaped us into professionals accustomed to making critical decisions in the face of adversity, and we want others to recognize and acknowledge this.
Fear of Irrelevance: As we transition from active duty to civilian life or ascend the ranks in our careers, there is often a looming fear of becoming irrelevant or disconnected from the intense experiences we once had. The Validation Minute can serve as a means to hold on to our sense of identity and importance, even as the landscape around us changes.
We fear losing the unique significance that our past experiences brought us. Therefore, the need to constantly validate our expertise becomes a means of preserving our relevance.
Understanding the Consequences of the Validation Minute
While the Validation Minute may stem from genuine motivations, it's crucial to recognize that it can lead to unintended consequences:
Alienation: Excessive validation attempts can inadvertently alienate those around us in a conversation. People may perceive us as arrogant or insecure, ultimately straining both personal and professional relationships.
Our attempts to validate ourselves can inadvertently push people away, diminishing the effectiveness of our communication and collaboration.
Ineffective Communication: The overwhelming need to prove ourselves often leads to poor communication practices. Instead of fostering constructive discussions and exchanges of ideas, we might inadvertently monopolize the conversation, thus hindering the free flow of information.
Our genuine desire to share our knowledge and experiences can ironically lead to ineffective communication, inhibiting the growth of productive dialogues.
Hindrance to Growth: Focusing excessively on past experiences can hinder personal and professional growth. It may prevent us from adapting to new situations, learning from others, and evolving in our careers.
While our past experiences have undoubtedly shaped us, they should not limit our capacity to grow, adapt, and learn from new experiences.
Addressing the Validation Minute Constructively
To address the Validation Minute constructively, it's essential to take a proactive approach:
Self-awareness: We must encourage ourselves and others to reflect on our need for validation and how it affects our interactions with those around us. Self-awareness is the first step towards change.
Active listening: Prioritizing active listening and open dialogue is paramount. We can foster more inclusive and productive conversations by emphasizing the importance of learning from others, regardless of their experience level.
Mentoring and coaching: Seeking out mentoring and coaching opportunities can help ease the transition into civilian life or adjust to new roles. This reduces the fear of irrelevance and promotes personal and professional growth.
Promote teamwork: Encouraging a culture of collaboration and teamwork is vital. In such an environment, everyone's input is valued, and expertise is recognized as a resource rather than a tool for dominance.
Endstate
As someone who coined the term "Validation Minute," I understand that this behavior, while rooted in genuine motivations, can hinder effective communication and personal growth. By acknowledging the underlying drivers and promoting healthy interactions, individuals from law enforcement and the military can maintain their sense of identity and expertise without alienating those around them. Striking a balance between confidence and humility is key to fostering positive relationships and facilitating continued professional development.
This was great! Spot on!